Ev's Collective Thoughts Vol. 4

OOOOOh....well...this is an interesting question...One I find myself also asking. When is it alright to feel the attachtment of love and what not...Well..I don't really have an answer for you. I mean how do you stop what you feel? No matter how incredibly stupid or strange or out of place...you feel what you feel and no matter what you do...you can only supress thoughs feelings only for them to explode in your face later. I'm a firm believer that emotions should not be tampered with but instead simply understood better. You can't help if you find total affection towards someone else...just try to understand what kind of affection it is. Love is such a stupid word. It never explains what it means. Love is so farking broad it could mean anything. I believe we should ditch the word love, and find some more reasonable levels of love. We need to cut it up and divide it into sections...because when you tell a friend you love them, its different from telling your mate that you love them...or even when you tell your parents you love them...or siblings, the list is endless...and not to mention the different levels that you can have between a you and a single individual. Its hard to explain you love someone as a friend and person without sounds like you want to make sweet monkey lovin to them...and yet at the same time explaining that its more than just "Likeing" them. Likeing? What kind of word is that for the emotion? Its not even a new word...its just taking the word, "Like" which is to consider, evaluate, to prefer or "equal in amount"...hardly explains what you mean. There are many levels of likeing someone too. The english language is underdeveloped in the area of emotions. I often find myself lost for words when it comes to finding out how I feel. In this sense...the english language is faulty. Look at my position right now for instance...

I'm currently with an incredibly lovely girl that I love dearly. Now I've been telling her I love her for some time...but the context hasn't always been the same. When we first started saying we loved each other its the same kind of love I have for pretty much anyone I know. I "like" them more than just simply likeing. I have feelings and consider them someone of importance in my life, I would be hurt if this person would not like me, and I would be worried if this person was in danger, more so than a complete stranger, or someone I just sorta know. (You see how complicated this gets?) Now if I could explain that in one word...that would be something. I love her in that sense. Now that we have been dateing for a while that love has turned into something else. I not only find her as an important person in my life, but now I find her of up most importance. I find it harder to stay away from her and think about her often. This is the next level in my book of love. She's more than just a friend...I guess this would be the BEST FRIEND level...but its not that either because we are dateing...We need a level simliar to best friend level but for dateing....hmmmm....Anyways...I can't say that I love her at the top level which is like...what's between a husband and wife...that would be silly we have only been dateing for a few weeks. Which is frightening because I've gotten really really attached to her in no time...which I Guess is a good thing...but scary at the same time. Love is so funny. Love makes you both happy and incredibly scared. Its awesome because of the massive amount of enjoyment and pleasure you get from this other person, just being around them and knowing you have this really close relationship with someone else who cares equally about you. Its scary though because this person will get closer to you than anyone else...this person will know your deep and awful secrets and they can if they wanted to use it aginst you. You have to give up your walls and defenses and let this other person into your heart and that's farking scary. Love is a height in emotions beyond the normal for day to day. Its crazy to me how obsessed we as humans are about it. Its all we think about even when your not thinking about it your body is. We are programmed to be social interacting creatures. We are created to do so. And no matter how hard you try to stop it or slow it down...its impossible...because its our nature.


Fun fun fun...

I love you Kenny :P